Category Archives: Whimsy

Rap Game Monica Lewinsky

Lewinsky during a TED talk on shame and cyberbullying.
Lewinsky during a TED talk on shame and cyberbullying.

During her recent TED talk, Monica Lewinsky, aka the Most Famous Intern in the World (after Joe Biden), said that she’d been referenced in almost 40 rap songs. “Hi, I’m Monica Lewinsky,” said the former handbag designer. “Some of you younger people might only know me from some rap lyrics.”

Turns out, she’s actually referenced in three times that amount. According to the annotation website, Genius, Lewinsky’s name has appeared in at least 128 (!) rap songs, mostly as a synonym for fellatio.

Some songs use the scandal as a historical touchstone, as when Celph Titled raps, “Shit was good when Billy Clinton was gettin Lewinsky pussy.” But mostly, references to Lewinsky in hip-hop have one of two meanings. The first is global shorthand for all things fellatio and can be found in English, Polish, German, Spanish, and French rap songs. “The cigar” makes only a single appearance, but at least 70 songs use her name as a verb related to oral sex: i.e., to Lewinsky, to give Lewinsky, to get Lewinsky. Sometimes her name is synonymous with coming, both as a verb and — when paired with face, dress, or gown — a noun. See: Beyoncé, in “Partition,” whose sex partner “Monica Lewinsky–ed all on her gown.”

The other use of Lewinsky is as a derogatory term for an inferior person — either an insult against lesser emcees (referred to as “Lewinskys” or accused of sucking like Monica) or a stand-in for a prostitute or willing sexual partner. Songs casually use Lewinsky to refer to the women who throw themselves at prominent men in clubs, to insult women who kiss and tell, or to label the “obvious sluts,” who are power-hungry. One song, “It Has Been Said,” by Aaron Omar, even uses Lewinsky as a virgin/whore moral lesson, warning listeners to avoid becoming a Lewinsky: “You should be a Michelle Obama.” And of course, there’s the now-infamous Chris Rock mock interview, in which he used Lil Kim samples as Lewinsky’s answers to demonstrate just how crass Lil Kim was (its own kind of inverse slut-shaming).

What a terrible fate. You make a mistake at 22 years old and BOOM, your name becomes a stand-in for rappers searching for “clever” ways to discuss oral sex. I will spare you the 3,000 word think piece on fame and sexual power I have loaded in the chamber. Besides, as usual, Chappelle said it best:

New York Magazine has the entire list.

via The Cut

My Perfect Woman

My perfect woman is kind, warm,

Beloved by friends,

Her empathy knows no bounds,

She inspires no hatred,

 

Her energy is kinetic,

She makes my mind race,

When I’m not with her,

I desire to be near her,

 

Her hair flows,

Hips curvy,

Waist slim,

Breasts ample,

 

She’s spicy,

But I don’t want to sweat,

Maybe a little,

Great with beer,

And cheap,

Cost is key,

Happy hour specials are best,

Essential for watching football,

Must be deep fried,

Can be dry rubbed,

But my God,

So much better soaked in a buttery hot sauce,

Smothering under a blanket of creamy blue cheese,

Messy,

I want to DEVOUR,

I AM SO FUCKING HUNGRY

But first, a selfie

selfie_copy3

Microsoft has announced plans to introduce a “selfie phone.” Ha ha I know, right? According to the Verge, the phone will feature a 5-megapixel forward-facing camera (instead of its standard 1-meg) and 4.7-inch display. And this is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a girl in traffic, making duck lips behind a steering wheel.

I kid.

As much as people like to ridicule and mock selfies as just another symptom of self-obsessed Millenial culture, the truth is that they’ve actually been around for nearly six centuries. Yes, just as technology has democratized media (the Internet) and PR (facebook, twitter) it has also brought easy displays of narcissism to the masses. In fact, I call it the Democratization of Narcissism™.

Before, only elites with the resources to commission painters (and later, photographers) to create portraits were the ones doing it. But just like Prometheus stealing fire from the gods, Kodak allowed the 20th Century common man to show his vanity just as proudly as the bourgeoisie. And thanks to Mark Zuckerberg and Co. we can now easily share it!

It seems Microsoft is betting big that the trend is here to stay. And why not? As soon as man figured out how to capture an image, he started believing his was the most interesting (guilty). Not to mention 2013 was declared the Year of the Selfie by the Oxford Dictionary. However, I would argue this trend jumped the shark somewhere around the time these guys found out what Instagram is.