Welcome to the 50 Best Songs of 2014. After listening to every single sound recording released this year, without bias, I have determined the 50 catchiest, provocative and just plain best songs of the year.

50. “Man of the Year” / Schoolboy Q

Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women.

49. “Doses and Mimosas” / Cherub

I tried to put this song on a playlist for my friend’s birthday. He removed it and said he didn’t want to attract what he calls the “Molly element.”

48. “Easy Rider” / Action Bronson

“I heard ya bitch still wears Ecko.” Well-played, Bronson.

47. “Lost on the Way Home” / Chromeo (feat. Solange)

Not the greatest lyricists but these boys work a groove nearly as hard as their forefathers Hall & Oates and Steely Dan.

46. “Blue Suede” / Vince Staples

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.

45. “Free Bread At the Outback” / Lil Dicky

Ode to the greatest mid-priced American dining chain.

44. “All About That Bass” / Meghan Trainor

A message I can really get behi– OK I’ll just see myself out.

43.  “Mess on a Mission” / Liars

Tension/Release. Tension/Release.

42. “Can’t Stop”  / Theophilus London (feat. Kanye West)

Not gonna front, I’m just here for Kanye’s verse.

41. “No Rest for the Wicked” / Lykke Li

Actually, I get the impression that the wicked sleep quite comfortably.

40. “Lifestyle” / Richie Gang (feat. Rich Homie Quan & Young Thug)

Remix.

39. “Recognize” / PARTYNEXTDOOR (feat. Drake)

Isn’t this great, my flight leaves at eight. Your flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.

38. “Cigarette Song” / Raury

Do you smoke cigarettes with that mouth, Raury?

37. “One More Shot” / Stalley (feat. Rick Ross & August Alsina)

A jam so sexy even picturing Rick Ross with his shirt off can’t ruin it. Though I wouldn’t take any drink handed to me by Ross, ladies.

36. “Love Me Harder” / Ariana Grande (feat. The Weeknd)

Interesting to learn The Weeknd is capable of feeling anything other than tired from banging models on too many pills.

35. “Say You Love Me” / Jessie Ware

No, YOU checked YOUR ex-girlfriend’s facebook page four times in the last hour.

34. “No Flex Zone” / Rae Sremmurd

These dudes look 12 years old, but sound 8.

33. “Fight Night” / Migos

This song makes white people go cRaZy.

32. “Red Eyes” / War on Drugs

And I’m free… FREE FAAAAAALLIN’.

31. “Loyal” / Chris Brown (feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga)

H8 U Chris!

30. “Chandelier” / Sia

Terrifying pop song that strains and cracks.

29. “Benz Friendz” / Future (feat. Andre 3000)

For richer or poorer.

28. “I Don’t Fuck With You” / Big Sean (feat. E-40)

Finally.

27. “Tuesday (Remix)” / I LOVE MAKONNEN (feat. Drake)

Woozy ballad about goin’ up on the most productive work day of the week. There must be something in the water in “Tronno” because no one is making anything that sounds like Drake’s OVO collective right now.

26. “Early” / Run the Jewels

One of the best police brutality narratives ever put to song. Memo to all the post-Ferguson rappers: Protest songs don’t have to be boring.