Welcome to the 50 Best Songs of 2014. After listening to every single sound recording released this year, without bias, I have determined the 50 catchiest, provocative and just plain best songs of the year.

50. “Man of the Year” / Schoolboy Q

Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women.

49. “Doses and Mimosas” / Cherub

I tried to put this song on a playlist for my friend’s birthday. He removed it and said he didn’t want to attract what he calls the “Molly element.”

48. “Easy Rider” / Action Bronson

“I heard ya bitch still wears Ecko.” Well-played, Bronson.

47. “Lost on the Way Home” / Chromeo (feat. Solange)

Not the greatest lyricists but these boys work a groove nearly as hard as their forefathers Hall & Oates and Steely Dan.

46. “Blue Suede” / Vince Staples

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.

45. “Free Bread At the Outback” / Lil Dicky

Ode to the greatest mid-priced American dining chain.

44. “All About That Bass” / Meghan Trainor

43.  “Mess on a Mission” / Liars

Tension/Release. Tension/Release.

42. “Can’t Stop”  / Theophilus London (feat. Kanye West)

Not gonna front, I’m just here for Kanye’s verse.

41. “No Rest for the Wicked” / Lykke Li

Actually, I get the impression that the wicked sleep quite comfortably.

40. “Lifestyle” / Richie Gang (feat. Rich Homie Quan & Young Thug)

Remix.

39. “Recognize” / PARTYNEXTDOOR (feat. Drake)

Isn’t this great, my flight leaves at eight. Your flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.

38. “Cigarette Song” / Raury

37. “One More Shot” / Stalley (feat. Rick Ross & August Alsina)

A jam so sexy even picturing Rick Ross with his shirt off can’t ruin it.

36. “Love Me Harder” / Ariana Grande (feat. The Weeknd)

35. “Say You Love Me” / Jessie Ware

No, YOU checked YOUR ex-girlfriend’s facebook page four times in the last hour.

34. “No Flex Zone” / Rae Sremmurd

These dudes look 12 years old, but sound 8.

33. “Fight Night” / Migos

This song makes white people go cRaZy.

32. “Red Eyes” / War on Drugs

And I’m free… FREE FAAAAAALLIN’.

31. “Loyal” / Chris Brown (feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga)

H8 U Chris!

30. “Chandelier” / Sia

29. “Benz Friendz” / Future (feat. Andre 3000)

For richer or poorer.

28. “I Don’t Fuck With You” / Big Sean (feat. E-40)

Finally.

27. “Tuesday (Remix)” / I LOVE MAKONNEN (feat. Drake)

Woozy ballad about goin’ up on the most productive work day of the week.

26. “Early” / Run the Jewels

One of the best police brutality narratives ever put to song. Memo to all the post-Ferguson rappers: Protest songs don’t have to be boring.